


I Could Kiss You

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-11-13
Updated: 2000-11-13
Packaged: 2018-11-11 05:02:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11141553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Fraser is troubled by something that happened while he was suffering from Amnesia.





	I Could Kiss You

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Rated NC17

#### Rated NC17 

Alliance holds the legal rights to these characters; and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. This story is written for entertainment purposes only, and no profit will be made. 

This story takes place immediately after the episode "Flashback". 

#### I COULD KISS YOU 

Ray pulled the Riviera to a stop at a red light and sighed quietly, stretching his back as much as he could. It had been one hell of a day. 

He and Benny had just come from the station house after finishing the paperwork on their latest case. It had been a very interesting report- even for a case of his and Benny's. 

Lt. Welsh had read the details of the kidnapping, robbery, and Benny's memory loss in absolute silence. Finally he had looked up at Ray and said "Good night, Detective. I'll see you tomorrow." Ray didn't know if he should be nervous or relieved at Welsh's reaction. 

And poor Benny would have to go through a similar encounter with Inspector Thatcher; although it was almost a given that her reaction would not be nearly as calm and quiet as Welsh's. That was one conversation that could definitely wait until tomorrow. 

 

Ray put the car back in gear as the light changed; then looked over at Benny. Fraser was sitting quietly, his head leaning against the headrest with his eyes closed. 

"Hey Benny, you okay?" 

Ben grinned. "Yes, Ray, I'm okay. Just as I was five minutes ago when you asked me, and when you asked me five minutes before that." 

"All right. Sorry." 

Ben opened his eyes and looked over at Ray. "It's all right," he smiled, giving Ray a gentle squeeze on the thigh. 

Ray smiled back, and the rest of the ride to Benny's apartment was completed in silence. When they entered the apartment, Dief headed over towards them but stopped a few feet from Ben, whining anxiously. 

"Hello, Diefenbaker." Dief trotted over to Ben, his tail wagging happily, and Ben knelt down to pet him. Dief gave him a short bark. "Yes, I know. And I apologize; but I'm back now." 

Ray smiled as he hung up his coat. He knew exactly how the wolf felt. "You hungry, Benny?" 

Ben nodded. "Very hungry. You?" 

"Starving," Ray grinned. 

"All right, I'll make us some dinner," Ben said, walking over to the refrigerator. 

Ray intercepted him, grabbing his shoulders and turning him around. "I'll make dinner Benny. Why don't you just relax for a little while?" 

"Ray, I'm perfectly capable of making dinner." 

"I know that, Benny. But see, we have a rule here in America. If you fall off a speeding van and hit your head, you don't have to make dinner that night." 

"Ah," Ben grinned, "I was not aware of that. We don't have that rule in Canada. In that case, I'll be happy to let you make dinner." 

"Good," Ray smiled, "why don't you get changed, love?" 

Ben nodded and headed into the bedroom. Ray watched him go, then removed his suit jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. He removed his tie and dropped it onto his jacket, then rolled up his sleeves before heading over to the refrigerator to see what he could scrounge up for their meal. 

Deciding to go with something quick and easy, Ray poured some soup into a saucepan to heat up and got to work making grilled cheese sandwiches. He jumped as he felt a kiss placed on the back of his neck. "God, Benny! I didn't hear you come back in!" 

"Sorry." But Benny was grinning at him. 

Ray smiled at Ben, searching his face carefully. "Benny, you look exhausted." 

"I feel quite tired. It's been a long day." 

"A bad day." 

Ben nodded, and Ray dropped the spoon into the soup pan and took Ben into his arms, holding him tightly. 

"Ray..." 

"Sssh. I've been wanting to do this all afternoon, Benny." 

Ben tightened his arms around Ray and buried his face into his shoulder. "I'm sorry Ray," he said, his words muffled against the silk of Ray's shirt. "I'm sorry." 

"Oh, Benny, it's not your fault." 

They stood quietly holding each other until the sound of the soup boiling penetrated Ray's consciousness. "Sit down love," Ray said, placing a gentle kiss on Ben's lips. 

Ben nodded and took his seat at the table while Ray finished preparing the meal. Ben was unusually quiet while they ate, and Ray kept glancing over at him nervously. 

When he cleared the table and began washing the dishes and Benny didn't even offer to help, Ray became really alarmed. 

"Benny," he said, turning from the sink to face his partner, "I know you're getting sick of me asking this, but are you sure you're all right?" 

Ben didn't answer; he just sighed, keeping his eyes on his hands, which were folded on the table in front of him. 

Ray turned the water off and moved back over to the table, his heart starting to pound nervously. "Benny?" 

Another quiet sigh. "I'm all right, Ray. It's just... something's been bothering me." 

"What's that?" Ray asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down. 

Ben looked up, meeting Ray's gaze at last, and he looked very troubled. "When I was first starting to get my memory back, when I remembered the license plate number, you said 'Benny, I could kiss you!'" 

"Yeah?" Ray asked, clearly puzzled. 

"I said that I thought we were just friends and you said 'oh, we are'. You answered me quite hastily, and you seemed very anxious that I not think that we were more than friends. Why did you do that, Ray?" 

"Oh Benny," Ray said quietly, taking Ben's right hand between both of his own and squeezing it firmly. Ben looked confused and hurt, and Ray felt a wave of guilt wash over him. As if Benny hadn't had enough to contend with already. 

"Benny, I just said that because you were dealing with so much already. At the time you weren't really _you_ , you know? I didn't know how you'd react to the news that I was actually your lover. I was afraid that you might freak out on me or something." 

Ben smiled. "Yes, I guess that reaction wouldn't have been outside the realm of possibility, would it?" 

"No," Ray replied with a small smile of his own. 

"I wasn't quite myself, was I?" 

"That's an understatement." Ray squeezed Ben's hand a little harder. 

When he had first realized that Benny had amnesia, Ray had been panicked, afraid that Fraser had a serious head injury. Once he had been reassured by the doctor that Fraser's injury was not severe, he had felt very relieved, and had wanted him to get his memory back so they could track down the license plate number and solve the case. 

But as the day wore on and he found himself spending more and more time with a stranger with Fraser's face, Ray had almost stopped caring about the case at all. He had just wanted Fraser's memory to return so that the unsettling man next to him would go away and he could have his Benny back. 

Ben tilted his head to the side, studying Ray carefully. "What, Ray? There's more, isn't there?" 

Ray nodded and swallowed. "Yeah, Benny. I... I remember seeing or reading someplace that sometimes when someone has amnesia, they're blocking their memories for some psychological reason. That they don't want to remember something." 

Ben was staring at him in absolute surprise. "What are you saying?" 

Ray just shook his head and looked away. 

"Ray, I think you've seen one too many bad TV movies. I don't know why it took all afternoon for my memory to return, but I can assure you the reasons were purely physical. 

"What other reason could there possibly be? Why on earth would I want to forget you? Forget the best love I have ever known? How much I love you and more than that, how much you love me? 

"What do you think happened, Ray? Somewhere in my head I said 'Gee, I'm happier than I have ever been or ever thought I would be. I have a man who loves me completely and treats me better than I deserve. But I think I'll just throw all that away'? Even I'm not that self-destructive, Ray." 

Ray was smiling at him. "Yeah?" 

"Yes." Benny took Ray's face between his hands for a lingering kiss. "Besides, Ray, I think I did remember, on some level. Even though I had no idea who you were, I trusted you absolutely. I believed everything you told me about myself, and yourself, and my life. And I followed you on what appeared to be a wild goose chase, allowing this man whom I didn't know drive me around the city. 

"On the surface of it, that wasn't a very safe or smart thing to do. But I knew- somehow I just knew that you weren't lying to me. That you would protect me and keep me safe, and make sure nothing happened to me. So you see Ray, I loved you, even though I couldn't remember you." 

Ray's smile was wide enough to nearly split his face in two, and his eyes were sparkling with happiness. "Benny, I could kiss you." 

Ben grinned at him. "I thought we were just friends." 

"Oh, we're friends, all right, but we are definitely not _just_ friends." 

"I'm very glad to hear that," Ben said, then wrapped his arms around Ray's waist and kissed him. 

Ray grabbed Benny and drew them both to their feet, and the two men stumbled and staggered over to the bed without breaking the kiss. 

They sat down on the bed and Ray released Ben's waist and plunged both hands into Ben's hair. His fingers encountered a bump on Benny's head, and Ben gasped and flinched, breaking the kiss. 

"Benny?" 

"Sorry Ray." Ben leaned forward to kiss him again, but Ray pushed him gently away. 

"No Benny, hang on a second," he said, running his fingers over the lump again, very lightly this time. "God, Benny!" 

"It's all right, Ray, it's not that bad." 

"Benny..." 

"Sssh," Ben smiled, then pulled Ray into another kiss. 

All of Ray's objections and questions were forgotten under the onslaught of Benny's lips and tongue. He slowly ran his hands down Ben's chest, then tugged the sweatshirt over Ben's head and tossed it to the floor. Turning back, Ray froze again. 

"What, Ray?" Ben gasped, upset that his lover had stopped. 

Ray didn't answer; he just ran his fingertips lightly over the ugly bruises showing vividly on Ben's arm and his side. 

"Oh," Ben said, "don't worry about it, Ray. It's fine." 

Ray gave his lover a look that clearly said he didn't believe him. Giving Ben a kiss, Ray pushed him gently down until he was lying against the pillows. "You just lay there and relax and let me do all the work, all right, Benny?" 

Ben smiled up at him. "I think I can do that." 

"Good." 

Ray ran his fingers down the side of Ben's face, then leaned down for a kiss. He then trailed a series of kisses down Benny's body, giving special loving attention to the bruises and scrapes. 

He grasped the waistband of Ben's sweatpants and Ben obligingly lifted his hips off the bed so Ray could slide the sweatpants off and throw them to the floor. 

Ben reached up and started to unbutton Ray's shirt, but Ray pulled his hands away. "No Benny, I'm doing all the work, remember?" He placed a kiss against the back of each hand, then slowly and teasingly began disrobing in front of his lover. 

Ben caught Ray's eye and smiled, then ran a hand down his own chest, stopping to pinch and fondle a nipple. Then he trailed his hand slowly down to his cock and ran his fingers lightly over it before taking the cock into his hand and pumping it gently. 

Ray swallowed heavily and shed the rest of his clothes with much more haste than he had previously used. He kissed Benny again, then lay down on top of him, pressing their naked bodies together. 

"Ray," Benny sighed, cupping the back of Ray's head in his hand and pulling him down for another kiss. 

Ray slipped his tongue into Benny's mouth and began rocking back and forth gently, rubbing his and Benny's cocks together. 

With a small gasp, Ben broke the kiss and buried his face against Ray's neck, breathing deeply of his lover's scent. "Ray," he whispered, "my Ray. My love. Mine." 

Ray cried out softly and started moving more urgently. "Benny," he gasped, "you... you..." Words failed him completely and with a final helpless cry, he came. 

"Ray!" Ben cried, and began bucking his hips upwards. 

"Sssh, Benny," Ray whispered raggedly. With one shaking hand he stroked Benny's side, from his ribs down to his hips. "It's okay, baby." 

He smiled down at Ben as he felt his lover's hot seed spill over him. Moving off of Ben, Ray lay next to him. Benny was lying with his eyes closed and he was shaking. 

"Benny," Ray asked, pushing the sweaty hair off of Ben's forehead, "are you okay?" 

Ben opened his eyes and looked at Ray with a smile, his eyes very blue in his pale face. "I have never been better, Ray." 

Ray pulled Benny over to lie against his chest. "I'm glad." 

They were quiet for a few minutes, then Ben laughed softly. 

"What?" Ray asked. 

"We should have done this hours ago." 

Ray laughed. "Yeah, that would have shocked your memory back into place for sure." The two men laughed together. 

"Okay," Ray announced, "new rule." 

"What's that, Ray?" 

"Anytime one of us gets a head injury, we have sex immediately." 

"Even if we don't have amnesia?" 

"Oh, yeah. You can never be too careful." 

"That makes good sense." 

"I'm glad you agree." 

They were silent again, and Ray was nearly asleep when he heard Benny speak his name. "Yes, Benny?" 

"How many sick days do you have coming?" 

"I don't know, a bunch. Maybe twenty-five or so. Why?" 

"I have an abundance of sick days as well. I think that we should each use one and stay home tomorrow." 

"You do?" Ray's surprise woke him up a bit more. 

"Mmm hmm." 

"Exactly how hard did you hit your head today, Benny?" 

Ben laughed softly. "I just think we should spend some time..." Ben's words were swallowed up by a large yawn. 

"All right, Benny, we'll do it," Ray said. "I'll tell you what, you don't need to wake up at all. I'll set the alarm clock, and I'll call the station house and the Consulate both." 

"Thank you kindly, Ray," Ben mumbled sleepily, and Ray smiled. His Benny was definitely back. 

 

#### THE END 

Comments welcome.


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